We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
