Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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