Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
