How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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