In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
