I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
this hospital has no fireball
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
