I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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