You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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