broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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