and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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