Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
