My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
