My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
