Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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