The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
