So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
