Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
