No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
