make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
