You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
