So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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