I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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