fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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