Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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