Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
