note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
