Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
