Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
