you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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