There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
