he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
