Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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