and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
