i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
