Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
