i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
