We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
