trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
