Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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