if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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