For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
