based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
