Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
