1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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