It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
