Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
