The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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