I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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