Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
