i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
