literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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