Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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